Sick of Tinder dating? Below are some tips on how your dog can help you sniff out a date

  1. When you meet a potential love interest out walking his/her dog you can flirt with them indirectly with ‘’dog chat’’ EXAMPLE

Aw isn’t he lovely. How old is he?

Which means How old are you?

What breed is he? Which means How much money you got?

What’s his name? Which means would you like to f**k me?

  1. Train your dog to like certain breeds dependant on who you are trying to attract. A bloke with a Poodle is usually attached and a  bloke with a Boxer generally has an STD.

  1. Make an effort and dress up for your walks. If your walking about looking like road kill with a pitbull on a chain chances are you won’t get a look in.

  1. Try and do any flirting or chatting once the dog has done his daily sh*t. There is nothing worse than trying to seal the deal with a phone number just as your dog does a steaming dump on your parade.

  1. Give your dog a decent name. There is nothing more off putting than your potential love interest later seeing you angrily screaming Doughnut! At the top of your voice repeatedly.

  1. If your dog likes to hump everything in site then don’t approach anyone. There’s nothing worse than looking more desperate than your dog.

  1. Don’t approach too many people in one park. Word will get around. If you can’t sniff out a date in one park move on. There are more parks.

  1. Become a shit Ninja. You want to pick up the shit quickly and effortlessly. Do not draw attention to it and dispose of it quickly. Its not easy finding love whilst walking around with a bag of shit.

  1. Don’t carry the dog treats to close to your crotch area. You don’t want your potential love interest to question your hygiene whilst his/ her dog is licking your genitals.

  1. Careful in the Summer months when wearing dark sunglasses. I once thought I had pulled when a handsome chap took my arm as we walked across the road. Turned out he was just helping me across as he thought I was blind and with my guide dog.


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