HOW TO PREPARE FOR A SMEAR TEST

Do you dread the 3-5 yearly Smear Test? Here’s how to make it more bearable

  • Light a candle

  • Eat a triangle of Dairylee in bed

  • Have a bath

  • Get Out

  • Put on a dressing gown

  • Punch a wall

  • Put on James Brown ‘I Feel Good’

  • Turn it up

  • Dance to it

  • Eat another biscuit

  • Paint your nails

  • Look out the window

  • Eat avocado on toast

  • Light another candle

  • Paint your toes

  • Watch Eastender’s

  • Put on your favourite dress

  • Do your hair

  • Breath

  • Punch a cushion 9 times

  • Eat half of a Toblerone

  • Your ready

  • Go for the smear test

  • Come back

  • Pour a large glass of chardonnay

  • Eat the rest of the Toblerone

  • And relax

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