When you fancy your flat mate so you put on your lipstick and heels to stay home
Hi, I’m sorry I’m so busy right now. I’ll call you back in-between panic attacks
Well done! You’ve gone 0 days without booze
The only thing I don’t like about a large glass of wine, is that you can’t fill the stem
Don’t be a tampon soaking up other people’s nonsense. Be a cunt.