ARE GHOSTS GETTING IT ALL WRONG?
After watching the new BBC Sitcom Ghosts, it really got me thinking about life as a ghost and how I feel they are getting it all wrong. Continue reading “ARE GHOSTS GETTING IT ALL WRONG?”
WHY ARE WE KISSING PEOPLE WE DON’T KNOW?
After seeing the actor Omari Hardwick awkwardly kissing Beyonce twice on the cheek at the NACCP Image Award, it got me thinking, why are we doing this? You don’t know me and you may never see me again, but here are my hot wet lips lurching towards your cheek and not just one cheek, probably both.
THESE DAYS A GOOD NIGHT OUT FOR ME IS GOING TO A HOMEWARE STORE
Since trying to cut out the booze, I’m finding myself in Ikea more and more. I knew I needed to kick the drink when I contemplated feeding my cat Baileys so I didn’t have to drink alone again. Since then I am always on the lookout for more sober based activities.
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IS IT ME OR ARE HEN PARTIES GETTING MORE ELABORATE?
I just got invited to a hen party, which involves a weekend of rock climbing and making our own oven gloves. What happened to good old fashioned pink limousines, groping strippers and getting fingered in Wetherspoons?
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HOW TO SMILE AT STRANGERS
Last week I decided to abolish my resting bitch face and set myself the challenge of smiling at 4 strangers every day.
MERCURY IN RETROGRADE
If you have found yourself crying a lot this month then it may be because Mercury has been in retrograde in Pisces since 5th March.
FORGET VAMPIRE FACIALS. ON THURSDAYS I DRESS AS A VAMPIRE AND IT’S DEADLY LIBERATING
If you want to lift your mood, decrease stress and re-connect with your creativity, then I would thoroughly recommend it.
GETTING MORE FROM YOUR TAMPON
It’s costly having to spend money involuntarily each month on Tampons and Towels and with the added 5% tax we have to pay too, 1 in 10 girls can’t afford to buy them. But it’s not just the cost of the sanitary products it’s also the money that’s spent each month on pain relief, supplements and general stuff to aid us through the hell of The Blob.
TODAY, BE GRATEFUL YOU HAVE AN ARSE HOLE
One of my new year’s resolutions is to write a daily gratitude journal. It’s so easy to get caught up in comparing and expecting, rather than focusing on what you do have in life.
FORGET FOMO ITS ALL ABOUT JOMO, FONC, JONC & FODA
There’s only one thing better than making plans. That’s them being cancelled.
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WHEN I GO FOR A SMEAR TEST I CHANNEL MY INNER GEMMA COLLINS
If the GC can face the embarrassment of stacking it 3 times on TV and make it look good, I can cope with an awkward little rummage down below in the privacy of the NHS.
Continue reading “WHEN I GO FOR A SMEAR TEST I CHANNEL MY INNER GEMMA COLLINS”
DATING TIPS: HOW TO DATE THROUGH YOUR DOG
Sick of Tinder dating? This Valentines why not visit your local park or dog-friendly café and let your dog help you sniff out a date. Below are some tips to help you seal the deal:
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LAST NIGHT I HAD SOME STILTON BEFORE BED AND DREAMT I WAS NAKED ON THE STREETS OF BLACKPOOL
I’ve never been to Blackpool so I have no idea what I was doing there. I know I was there because a bloke in the dream said you’re in Blackpool.
THESE DAYS I HAVE TO CHECK THE MIRROR TO SEE IF I’M STILL LIVING IN THE MOMENT
Every time I meditate I end up in Costcutter.
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THIS VALENTINES DAY NOTHING SAYS I LOVE YOU MORE THAN A £1 RING FROM POUNDLAND
Yes, Poundland is now selling engagement rings. I heard it on Loose Women and almost spat out my Lucky Charms.
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HEALTHY SPIT ROAST
After too much festive fun and entering this year looking like a camels ballbag, I decided to start the new year with a juice diet and detox, but this is hard work. So you can imagine my excitement when someone mentioned that you could do both in one 45 minute session.
BATHING INSTEAD OF BOOZING
Since quitting the boozing, I now spend more time bathing. At this time of year, it’s a great base to relax, get warm, plan your attack on the world and kick anxiety in the cunt.
GETTING TRUFFLED
Recently I decided to replace wine with Truffle Oil.
So these days instead of getting trollied I get truffled and it’s utterly magical.
Continue reading “GETTING TRUFFLED”
TIPS FOR DRY JAN
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Look at Shane McGowan’s teeth on YouTube on a daily basis to remind you why you don’t drink Continue reading “TIPS FOR DRY JAN”