DATING TIPS: HOW TO DATE THROUGH YOUR DOG

Sick of Tinder dating? This Valentines why not visit your local park or dog-friendly café and let your dog help you sniff out a date. Below are some tips to help you seal the deal:

    • Get yourself a Police sniffer dog. Train him to pick up the scent of your latest crush, and then you and your pooch can find them anywhere, anytime.
    • Too scared to give your potential crush your digits? Make sure your number is on your dog’s collar. Get your dog to act lost, whilst you hide nearby. Then when your love interest calls your mobile to say they have found your dog, store their number immediately.
    • When in the park throw a stick or a ball for your dog, in the direction of another dog walker/love interest. Obviously try not to hit your love interest with the stick, aim for the surrounding area.
    • If you don’t have a dog, take a lead to the park and ask your crush to help you find, the none existent dog.
    • Train your dog to like certain breed’s dependant on who you are trying to attract. A bloke with a Poodle is usually attached and a bloke with a Boxer generally has an STD.
    • Try and do any flirting or chatting once the dog has done his daily shit. There is nothing worse than trying to seal the deal with a phone number just as your dog does a steaming dump on your parade.
    • Don’t approach too many people in one park. Word will get around. If you can’t sniff out a date in one park move on. There are more parks.
    • Don’t carry the dog treats to close to your crotch area. You don’t want your potential love interest to question your hygiene whilst his/ her dog is licking your genitals.
    • Become a shit ninja! Be quick to pick it up and dispose of it. It’s tricky finding love whilst carrying a bag of shit.
    • Careful in the summer months when wearing dark sunglasses. I once thought I had pulled when a handsome chap took my arm as we walked across the road. Turned out he was just helping me across as he thought I was blind and with my guide dog.

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