LAST NIGHT I HAD SOME STILTON BEFORE BED AND DREAMT I WAS NAKED ON THE STREETS OF BLACKPOOL

I’ve never been to Blackpool so I have no idea what I was doing there. I know I was there because a bloke in the dream said you’re in Blackpool.

Since going sober I am noticing my dreams more and more and how they coordinate with what I eat. I’ve noticed if I eat Chocolate before bed I have boring dreams. A few weeks back I had a Toblerone at 9 pm and dreamt I was packing envelopes.

Popcorn and I’m being chased around a multi-storey car-park, Sensations Chilli Crisps and I’m always flying or hanging about in the sky and cheese, always naked. I have tried cutting down on night cheese but for some reason, I love having it late.

I’ve also noticed Grapes or Angel Delight seem to give me success dreams but I don’t mind dreams being a bit shit. I think it’s worse if the dream is great and the nightmare begins when you wake up. For example, a few weeks back I had a bowl of Angel Delight at around 7 pm and that night I dreamt I was 10 years younger and had given up smoking. When I woke up I was heartbroken and immediately lit a fag.

Also, try not to mix your foods late. Last time I had grapes with my cheese I dreamt I won a Bafta naked. Or If you do mix the foods then mix them in the right way so you can curate the almost ideal dream, like when I had Chocolate Angel Delight and dreamt I was on a private yacht with Beyoncé emptying a dishwasher.

Most of my dreams involve me being humiliated one way or another either being naked, falling over in public or looking desperate. People say dreams are trying to tell us stuff, I really hope they’re not. What are you eating before bed?

See also: https://www.bustle.com/articles/136513-6-foods-that-can-affect-your-dreams-sleep

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